The photo above was taken 4 years ago around this time (October actually) at a close friend’s wedding on a boat by the bay. It’s one of my favorite photographs of my mom and it’s how I choose, especially on hard days like this, to remember her.
I feel gratitude for having been with my mom when she died, but I would be lying if I said it was an easy thing to do and move on from. The truth is you don’t forget, ever. That moment, that day, and the few days after are forever seared into my memory.
The weeks leading up to her death where she didn’t have an appetite but I spent hours cooking something, anything that she could stomach; the days when we argued over nonsense and for a second I would forget just how sick she was; the days when we giggled like little kids; the days when she cried and would tell me how much she missed HER mom; the nights I went out because I needed a “break” and how much shame that brings me now; the last night we had together where we watched Mamma Mia with Meryl Streep and how I haven’t seen the movie since.
Life doesn’t seem fair, does it? We are born to die. The circle of life. Hakuna Matata… That’s one thing that we sometimes forget. Life isn’t fair because it was never meant to be. We are MADE to struggle, overcome, persevere, love, lose our way, give up, give in, fall down, get up, and do it all over again.
We were made for this thing called life and as much as it hurts, it is so fucking beautiful.
Today is the final day of Día de Los Muertos and it is meant to be a time when you honor your loved ones in a way that fills you with a sense of acceptance, love, and celebration.
It is a time to remember them dancing, laughing, eating their favorite food, having a shot of tequila (my mom loved her añejo), telling you a joke, hugging you, reading a book, traveling, playing, cooking; it is a time to remember them LIVING.
I know that when I leave this plane, it is how I want to be remembered: living and loving until my very last breath.